Have you ever felt it? Have you ever reached that point in life where mostly everything seems to end and, then, you are a bit lost because you find your inner compass broken? Have you ever sailed in such an ambiguous white sea that is to be granted the wish you ever longed for, yet it comes in a moment when you no longer need it nor helps you by any mean nor it looks or feels like what you always dreamt it would be? Have you seen those which you cherished as friends, brothers, family, becomming, suddenly, strangers, to the point of blending in the crowd as another face more without meaning? Have you experienced that strong and unbreakable bond you had with someone suddenly turning to nothing but a memory, without warning, without process, just puff away as if it had been a dream? Have you bidden those who you called friends farewell after realizing you would not see their faces again upon realizing all the wrong they were doing in your life despite the fact they weren't evil themselves? Have you dwelt in that strange world that is to not have anybody to blame about anything, nor being at blame?
The scars and wounds of the battle are still with you, reminding you that it wasn't a dream. However, you feel empty, somehow, even clean. There is no weight on you but the one of your own body. No aftertaste in the mouth, no lingering images in the eyes, no thoughts stuck in the mind, no sound but your own breath in the expanse for your ears, no feelings clawing in your heart. Just a white, clean, and empty void before you, around you, in you. No dissolution or stagnation, no suffering or grief. Just white. Just light. Just the blank page of a book, the prelude to some unknown beginning. You feel no rush, no compulsion, no pressure. It's you at the title screen with the "Press START to begin." message flashing slowly in black letters before you; "Load Game" greyed because there are no "Saved Games", no "Memory Card" to read, no nothing.
Is an emptyness so inmense that the very act to intake your breath feels cold, like your lungs were made of glossy plastic and could intake twice or thrice the air you normally can. Like things you never knew you had were taken out of you, leaving such a lot of space inside, that you felt a little too big, a little too empty, a little too vast. Your memories of the past are intact. The pain, the pleasure, the bad, the good, the ugly, the nice, the harsh, the gentle; everything is there. The difference is that none of it weights on you anymore. You may regret having done this or that, but you no longer feel the pain of that regret. You just feel sad and bummed that you did what you did, but you no longer blame yourself for it. Is behind you, and it holds as much weight as the pleasant memory of a cup of tea. And, yet, you can no longer pick up any of those threads and "Start" from there. They are gone, part of the past and you can't go back to them, nor you feel like doing so. It's just you and only you.
Have you been in this place? Because it is a first for me. Would... Would it be too much from my part to ask... for a little guidance? I think I am... ehm... lost? I-It's okay, no rush here... I-I can take my time... there is... no rush...